Someone posted the other day how they were glad not to be "doing" Christmas this year as it saved on time and stress. They'd seen posts about shopping and cooking and stress and were glad to skip over it this year. It got me thinking that sometimes we let the world intrude on our wonderful times. I thought about whether or not I could choose not to "do" Christmas. I decided I couldn't. Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. Even in rough, or lean, years, it was always a sign of "new" times coming. My childhood Christmases were filled with decorating live trees with fun ornaments and gaily wrapped gifts under the tree. I remember one year, I think I was 10, asking for a "china doll." Unbeknownst to me, what I wanted was a porcelain doll. My parents took me literally though and I got my first ever geisha doll that year. I still have it and it started a love of the orient that still influences my shopping today. I now have a fun collection of geisha dolls and look for more to add all the time. I remember getting New Kids on the Block stuff, (Yes, I still love them...don't judge), a pogo ball (who remembers those?) and as I got older, drawing things. Color pencils, sketch pads, paint by numbers. Loved it all. One most memorable year, I opened a closed box and shrieked before realizing what was in the box was not a rainbow colored snake but a tie-dyed t-shirt tied up like one. Petrified is too mild a word for my fear of snakes, but he grew on me and I had him for almost twenty years before my then young daughter unraveled him. I still have the little plastic sunglasses that were perched on his head and she still runs around in the shirt.
There were Christmases with not so fond memories. The year I miscarried two days before Christmas was particularly difficult and the first Christmas without my, now, ex was brutal. Much drama surrounds that and won't be gone in to here. There was the year my mom volunteered to work her second job on Christmas morning so her boss could be with her young daughter and we needed the money. That sucked at first but my brother and I turned it around. She hadn't had time to decorate working two jobs so we went into the shop, carefully dug through her boxes and decorated. It was corny and not the most tasteful (we were only 12 and 9) but she got home and was thrilled with the surprise. Even in the crappy years, I found that if I could immerse myself in family and food and music, it eased the painful feelings. Christmas lights never fail to make me smile, I sing Christmas carols starting in November and play with the buttons on the Christmas decorations we sell at work all season. I get laughed at sometimes when I say I've started decorating a couple weeks before Thanksgiving but I stopped apologizing for it because it makes me happy and I think, if it's not hurting anyone else, so what?
As a child I also developed a love of Christmas vinyl. My grandma would do her Christmas baking to the shiny black vinyl of Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Perry Como and many others. After she passed, the tradition faded but when over the last ten years, I've hunted and searched and now have a spiffy little collection that, when I want to wander down memory lane, I can and remember her with much love. I also remember she put tinsel on her tree until it was almost all you could see and that out stockings from her always had apples, oranges and nuts in them. The last gift I got from her was a little green and purple dressed clown doll. She sits on my shelf to this day. I remember on the other side of the family, I always got a cute sweater or something from my grandparents and was jealous the boys got handmade shirts. I was 16 before I convinced my grandma to make me one of her famous denim shirts. She did it so well, someone stole it less than a year later. Not cool. We always got to open one gift on Christmas Eve and it was whatever we got from my grandma that lived out of state. I have several awesome handmade quilts still.
Now Christmas revolves around my daughter. She loves it as much as I do but we're careful to remember what it's really all about. We love giving gifts but know that when times are lean, it doesn't matter what's under the tree, but who's around it instead. This year has been a little rough but we're bangin' through and will enjoy it to the max. My character Aurora, you find out, avoids Christmas because of the pain it brings her heart. You learn more about that later but it makes me think...Christmas is what you make of it. If you let it, it will be stressful. If you let hurt invade the season from the past, you'll not enjoy it. Think about what it is that's making it not enjoyable and decide if it has to be that way. Does the hurt from years ago have to take away from the joy? Does not having "enough money" have to ruin it? Can you put the focus back where it belongs? Whether it be Christ, family or whatever...I hope you can. I hope that it becomes what you want it to be.
Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or whatever, I hope it's a beautiful time for you. I wish you loads of love and happiness.
Merry Christmas,
Lynn
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